Things I'm Doing Right

I've been feeling kind of beat-up lately.

Maybe it's just the fact that this winter just doesn't seem to want to end, but I'm going stir-crazy with this feeling like I just can't quite get my life right. It seems like all my kids do is whine, fall down the stairs, and beat each other up. I can't come up with enough fun activities to keep them from killing each other (or themselves) each day. Patrick hasn't been to school in a week because he can't shake this virus, and it seems like Piper is permanently perched on top of some sort of precarious stack of toys and slippery books wearing grown-up sized shoes, mere seconds from plummeting to her untimely death. They are feverish snot-dripping virus-infested petri dishes that haven't been healthy since before the Mayan Apocalypse. And sometimes it feels like all signs point to the dreaded conclusion: I'm just not cutting it as a mother. I can't keep my kids safe and healthy, and that's my number one job as a mother.

I've also felt a tremendous pull lately to get a job. I had a great career before I had kids, and I miss it. But since I left work 3 1/2 years ago, we've moved across the country to a place where I have no professional network and my industries of choice-- state budgeting and homeland security-- don't exist. I've applied for several jobs, but so far I've had no luck. I'd love to go back to graduate school, but no matter how many times we count our pennies there just aren't enough left to make it happen. Yet another thing that just isn't going my way.

But thanks to Facebook I've seen post after post of "stop beating yourself up" blogs lately (like How To Be a Perfect Parent in 5 Easy Steps... or Probably Never, and Dear Mom on the iPhone, I Get It), and it's providing me some peace of mind. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like motherhood just isn't as glamorous and fulfilling as movies made it out to be. This romantic notion that life is supposed to be back-to-back moments of potty training victories, snow angels, homemade organic muffins, and beautifully painted no-mess-anywhere finger paint masterpieces is all just a load of bullshit. The truth is, a lot of parenthood just plain sucks. It's a lot of cleaning up bodily fluids, breaking up fights, keeping track of sippy-cups full of milk before they get lost in the toy box, and enduring the favorite episode of That Crappy Cartoon yet again. It's also a lot of pre-planning the logistics of getting two kids peacefully to sleep when neither one wants to be left unattended for even one second, sorting and folding endless mountains of laundry while the kids try their hardest to knock over every single pile, and retaining as much patience as possible when one kid has an absolute meltdown because he wanted to pour his own instant oatmeal into the bowl.

But then there's the occasional moments when I sneak away to "put away a dish" (and by that I mean quickly eat as much of my hidden chocolate stash as I can before I'm discovered) and come back to find Patrick reading Piper his favorite book. And for a hot second, I feel like all the things I'm doing are working.

I'm always trying to be a better mom; who's not. But I'm sick to death of thinking about all the ways I'm not doing well enough. I'm just not interested anymore, and I don't have the energy for it. But you know what? There are a few things I'm really doing right, and I'm proud of them. And I want to tell you about them. And then I want to hear what YOU are doing right with your kids.

 So here's my list:

• My children are sick a lot because they have a lot of friends. They spend a lot of time playing with peers, going on adventures, trying new activities, and getting exposed to a lot of germs. If the cost of perfect health is isolation, I'm not interested. 
• I have an outstanding network of friends I can turn to for advice, emergency babysitting, Halloween costume loaners, pediatric dentist recommendations, summer camp reviews, glasses of wine, and shoulders to cry on. 
• My children love to read. Whenever I'm too lazy to play anymore, we read books. Even Piper, who is not even 18 months, loves to sit and flip through the pages of a book and "tell herself the story" in her nonsense language. 
• Patrick loves school and loves to learn. 
• My children are good eaters. They will both eat almost any fruit or vegetable, and will always take at least one bite of anything I give them. I have steadfastly refused to make separate dinners for my children, and it's worked. 
• I'm teaching my children to make healthy decisions. I'm exercising more, letting them see me do it, and showing them I'm having a good time. Not only that, I'm talking about the benefits of exercise, a healthy diet, and a good night's sleep, and I'm talking about being proud of my body even though it's not perfect.

So tell me: what are YOU doing right as a parent?